“Why are we here, La Flor? I’m only going along with this to keep you happy. A happy character is a contented character.”
“If our relationship is going to work, Ray. We need counseling.”
“Why are men afraid of relationship counseling? Don’t be afraid of letting it go, Ray.”
“Letting what go?”
“Your feelings. You can’t keep them bottled inside.”
“BTW, men are not afraid of relationship counseling. It’s just, just that it conflicts with ESPN, the Comedy Channel, fantasy football, and wondering what’s for dinner. Besides, I’m not afraid of counseling. I just don’t need it because there is no relationship between the two of us.”
“There is the problem.”
“You’re in denial.”
We’re going in circles, Ray. Can we change the subject?
“Okay, what is the name of the psychologist? Is it a male or female? Why didn’t I get a voice in the matter?”
“He is very famous. He comes highly recommended. I thought having a male psychologist would make you feel more comfortable.”
“Who recommended this psychologist?”
“My mystery writer girlfriend. She used him in one of her mysteries to break a cold case,” said La Flor paying more attention to her emery board than to me.
“La Flor, let me see if I have this straight. I’m going to counseling with a fictitious character I created because she thinks she and I have a relationship problem?”
“I’m not finished. Your good friend, who writes a mystery writers blog, whom I’m never met, recommended a psychologist she uses in her blog to solve cold cases.”
“I have more. I believe the mystery writer is the alt ego of a real person and is a created character like you.”
“You’re on fire, Ray.”
“What am I, a real person, doing going to counseling with a fictitious psychologist suggested by a fictitious blog writer and character I created over relationship problems?”
“He can help, Ray. He’s a very, very famous psychiatrist.”
“And, whom might he be?”
“Dr. Joe Brothers. He’s Joyce Brothers twin brother. He married Dr. Phil’s sister. Sounds strange, right.”
“I’m having a difficult time following you, La Flor. Are you sure about your facts?”
“You’re confusing Dr. Joe Brothers with Sigmund Fraud. Check that, Dr. Phil. That’s it, you’re confusing Dr. Brothers with Dr. Phil.”
“You did say Sigmund Fraud, not Freud? Does Joe have a mustache?”
“Yes, Sigmund Fraud was the famous one, the other one stole all his ideas. As for Dr. Joe, he did have a mustache, just like Dr. Phil, but he went to an alt ego dermatologist from Dr. Oz’s blog and had it lasered off. The dermatologist worked the laser like LeBron James works a basketball.”
“He must be good.”
“The best in the blogosphere. Be quiet, here he comes.”
Dr. Joe Brothers ignored me and walked over to La Flor. She rose to greet him. They hug. He said, “La Flor, how delicious to see you again.” Kiss, kiss on each cheek.
I said, “La Flor, is this the Dr. Joe Brothers you were telling me about?”
Brothers looked at me without turning his head, nice trick the way he moved his eyes so the one blue iris and one green iris rested in the corners of his eyes. From the way he kept his face toward La Flor, I was sure he had a crush on her. He mumbled something about my nose and ears I didn’t catch. He should talk, he’s got at least three-quarters of an inch on me if we’re measuring noses. He took La Flor by the hand and ushered her into his office, I trailed behind.
Brothers had an iPad he pretended to type notes on. I know he pretended because Siri kept saying “Please change your settings if you want to access this site.”
He turned the iPad over and said to me, “May I call you Way?”
He attempted to sound like he was from some European country. But you can take the boy out of Brooklyn, but you can’t take Brooklyn out of the boy.
“My name is Ray, not Way.”
“Are you making fun of my wisp?”
I turned to La Flor and said, “Why are we here? This isn’t real. He’s not real. He’s a character like you.”
“Way,” Dr. Brothers said, “Have you considered that we are weal and you are not weal?”
“What do you mean by weal?” I said, irritated.
“It’s this way, Way. What’s weal is weal.”
If I didn’t think he was real, what was I doing here? Had I lost my grip on reality? It’s all La Flor’s doing.
He turned to La Flor and said, “Ways denial is wery deep.
“I’m going to rewrite the whole thing,” I said.
He turned to La Flor, “Darling, I thought you said it was your blog?”
“Matter of time, but don’t call me darling, one man has my heart.”
“Is it Way?”
“No, it’s Jack Reacher.”
“I thought we left that two blogs ago,” I said
“A girl can dream can’t she right? Can’t she?”
Every now and then our relationships hit a bump in the road. Small bumps may seem like mountains. When both parties have the courage to step back and acknowledge their relationship is worth the effort to save it; it is the first step to smoothing out the bump, growing closer, and becoming stronger as a couple. It takes two, it always takes two to make it work. When both express their feelings in an open, honest and non-threatening way, breakthroughs happen.