I’m going to bring the sunshine wherever I go!
Keep Your Hands Clean
“The number one way to prevent the spread of flu is hand washing. . . The CDC recommends that hand washing last 20 seconds—about the time it takes to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ twice—and make sure you wash your thumbs, the backs of your hands, and your cuticles. If at any point you don’t have access to soap and running water, hand wipes or sanitizers can do in a pinch. “I carry hand sanitizer with me everywhere I go and use it frequently throughout the day,” says Kumar Dharmarajan, MD, chief scientific officer at Clover Health. “The reality is, there are a lot of potential bugs out there, whether it’s the common cold or stomach flu, so it is important to keep your hands as clean as possible.”
Nate puts the bottle to his lips, tilts his head back, and lets the beer flow uncontested from the bottle into his stomach. He finishes, bangs the bottle on the table, “Man, that was great.”
“I got to give it to you, Nate. You the only one I know that can do a whole bottle without swallowing. You think you should try to be on America’s Most Talented?” asks Joey sincerely.
“Too expensive, Joey. Think about all the beer I gotta buy to go into training for the show. I been thinking a lot about your t-shirt. I thunk about it since I was driving over here and I come up with the perfect answer,” says Nate extending his fist toward Joey and expecting a fist bump in return.
Joey obliges on the fist bump and says, “Talk to me.”
“It’s as easy as stealing change out of the tip jar.”
Nate and Joey simultaneously glance over to the tip jar on the bar. Seeing they’re the only two in Barlow’s Beer Stop, and Joey doesn’t tip, the tip jar only has the two singles the bartender put in for seed money.
Nate says, “I say you go down to the police station and press charges against Sunny for attempt to insult you with a deadly weapon, to wit her mouth and for won ton disruption of personal property.”
Joey sits back and ponders Nate’s suggestion. After a moment, he leans forward, “You got it right, Sunny’s mouth is a dangerous weapon. When she gets going she’s like a terrorist. I thought won ton was something you get at a Chinese restaurant. You sure you got the words right?”
Nate doesn’t blink. He says, “It’s one of those cases where the word is the same in two languages but means different things.”
“Where’d you pick this up?”
“I was bored the other night waiting for Cutie to come back from the store with beer for me so I turned on cartoons. You’d be surprised whatcha learn from cartoons. They are very educational.”
Joey puts his beer to his lips, tilt his head back and lets the remaining liquid slide down his throat into his belly. He slams the beer bottle on the table loud enough to make Skinny drop the glass he’s washing.
Joey closes his fist and hits himself in the solar plexus. A long, low, rumbling burp comes out of Joey’s mouth the way lava comes out of a volcano cone. When the burp ends, Joey say, “Man, that felt good. Nate, this is the best advice anybody every give me in my life. I’m heading to the police station now.”
Skinny calls over, “You serious?”
Joey glances over at Skinny, “About what?”
Skinny says, “I can already see the final score.”
Joey says, “The Sox win?”
“I wasn’t taking about the Sox, I was talking about what’s gonna happen to Sunny.”
Joey says, “Maybe they’ll give Sunny ten to twenty years in prison. I won’t be waiting for her neither when she gets out.”
Nate fist bumps Joey and says, “If I break up with Cutie, you mind if I take a shot at Sunny when she gets out? Maybe I can get conjugal visits with her in prison, I heard that’s what they’re doing these days. I thought me and Sunny had something special the night we cheated on you.”
“Go for it,” says Joey.
Both men stand up and walk of Barlow’s Beer Stop. Skinny shakes his head.
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck
Can You Sing a Song
Can you sing a song to greet the sun,
Can you cheerily tackle the work to be done,
Can you vision it finished when only begun,
Can you sing a song?
Can you sing a song when the day’s half through,
When even the thought of the rest wearies you,
With so little done and so much to do,
Can you sing a song?
Can you sing a song at the close of the day,
When weary and tired, the work’s put away,
With the joy that it’s done the best of the pay,
“Go for broke. Always try and do too much. Dispense with safety nets. Take a deep breath before you begin talking. Aim for the stars. Keep grinning. Be bloody-minded. Argue with the world. And never forget that writing is as close as we get to keeping a hold on the thousand and one things–childhood, certainties, cities, doubts, dreams, instants, phrases, parents, loves–that go on slipping , like sand, through our fingers.” ~ Salmon Rushdie
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He need a little space.