Joe: "I've got a goal to lose five pounds before the first day of summer." Pete: "How's it going?" Joe: "Just ten more pounds to lose."
Tag: one-liners
Today’s Joke: Joe’s GF is Meditating
Joe: "My girlfriend started meditating every evening." Pete: "What do you think about that?" Joe: 'It's better than sitting around and doing nothing."
Today’s Joke: Joe Has OCD
Joe: "My girlfriend told me she was going out drinking because she couldn't take my OCD." Pete: "Did you say anything to her?" Joe: "Yah. I told her to close the door three times before she left."
Today’s Joke: Joe is Afraid of Speed Bumps
Joe: "I've got a huge fear of driving over speed bumps." Pete: "Is that causing a problem, Joe?" Joe: "I'm slowly getting over it."
Today’s Joke: Joe’s Wants a Wake Up Call
Joe: "When I was out of town, I called the front desk and asked for a wake up call." Pete: "Did it work?" Joe: "Yah, the hotel operator called right back and said, "What the hell are you doing with your life!"
Today’s Joke: Joe’s GF Talks in Her Sleep
Joe: "My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night." Pete: "What did she say?" Joe: "I don't know, but she nearly took my eye out."
Today’s Joke: Joe’s GF Wants to Know if Joe is Serious
Joe: "My girlfriend asked me if I ever want to get married." Pete: "What did you say to her?" Joe: "I said, 'When I meet the right girl.' It didn't go over big."
Today’s Joke: Joe’s Trying to Figure His GF Out
Joe: "My girlfriend told me she gets lost in my eyes." Pete: "She's really in to you." Joe: "I'm not sure. She add, 'I also get lost in malls and big cities."
Today’s Joke: Joe’s Hearing Voices
Joe: "I told my girlfriend that I am hearing voices." Pete: "What did she say?" Joe: "She said, 'You don't have a girlfriend.'"
Today’s Joke: Joe Sets Pete Up
Joe: "Pete, imagine you walk into a bar and line of guys is waiting to hit you." Pete: "Okay, so?" Joe: "That's the punch line."